Convictions & Comforts · Miscellaneous · Uncategorized

Beauty killed the beast

Oh, no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was Beauty killed the Beast.

I hate that ending line. So. Much.

I’m not exactly sure why, but I can surmise.

I think, quite possibly, I hate it a lot because any phrase including both the words “beauty” and “beast” should be a reference to the most gorgeous fairy tale ever written. The fact that it’s used instead in reference to a gorilla who was never at any time a man with human body parts and faculties, (not to mention a royal title, huge castle and a rose garden) but nonetheless seems to have fallen in love with a blonde woman is rather disturbing. Kind of like the Beauty and the Beast retelling I read where the Beast didn’t actually transform back into a man in the end and the “beauty” in question was all happy and okay with it. I was like, “Whaaaaa…” and then my brain died because it didn’t want to think about… that.

Also, I dislike tragedies. (And by that I mean my definition of the word tragedy, which normally is: Two stupid people being “in love” and disregarding their brains in order to act on lusty impulses and/or failing to communicate properly because love apparently made them imbeciles, resulting in the death of one or both of the lovebirds which is really not sad because we were sick of them being idiots and never learning anything of value or resolving our frustrations anyway.) So to imply that beauty killed the beast is terrible. To imply she killed him because she was just too beautiful and his sudden overwhelment* caused an untimely death is stupid. Or if it was because she softened him and he no longer had the rage to fend off a bunch of airplanes, that’s also terrible and probably worse than the first. At least the first concept carried with it a certain comedic relief.

Ex: He’s so pretty, I could DIE!!

That’s another thing I don’t get! What is it with all these heroines being anti-manliness? Don’t you want a man who’s mighty in battle? I sure do! What am I talking about? Well, look at Christine Daae. She’s absolutely terrified of this Phantom person who keeps stalking her and pretending to be the spirit of her dead dad, but when her suitor gets the chance to slay the fellow, she’s all blubbering, “No, Raoul! Not like this!” In no way do I condone the killing of Phantoms. I’m just saying; if I was in a similar position, I’d be… well… it wouldn’t have even got that bad because I would have made up my dang mind about who I was going to be with, but that’s not the point!

Beauty doesn’t kill the beast. She saves his life with her love. End of story. And they live happily ever after with lots of half-werewolf babies. (That was a Harry Potter reference, not a Twilight one. IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.)


*This video I linked to is the only reasonable explanation I will accept of someone dying from the overwhelment of beauty.


6 thoughts on “Beauty killed the beast

  1. I do adore your power of prose and wit. I finally saw the original King Kong and didn’t enjoy it as much as I’d felt I should. You know?

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