Letter Challenge Day Twenty – The One Who Broke Your Heart the Hardest
Dear no one,
I failed to capitalize on purpose. It’s sadder that way, thereby giving it the right feel.
This has been a huge struggle to write. I’m fully understanding the “challenge” part of these letters now. I thought and thought and thought about how I could do this. First, I was going to make it goofy and write a letter to my laptop or some other technology that holds important things and lets me down. Then I toyed with the idea of writing from another person’s/character’s perspective. None of them felt right. This is especially difficult because my heart has never been broken. Certainly I’ve had it wrenched, pulled in separate directions, prodded, tickled, and sometimes dangerously cut off from my mind or things it should be set on, but never shattered. Not really.
The friends that have left no longer hold enough of my heart to say they absconded with pieces of it. I now understand that anyone who would take such poor care of my heart shouldn’t have been trusted with it in the first place. By leaving and not bothering to look back, they basically tossed it over their shoulder carelessly and so far I’ve had great reflexes in catching it up before real damage is done.
The dear friend and great-grandmother who departed in the Lord did not break my heart, either. They tempered and strengthened it, and taught me amazing things through their lives and deaths. I miss them; losing them hurt excruciatingly… still…
I’ve cried many nights for the loss of them. Sometimes I felt like my heart could break, but I believe I’d know if it did.
Boy crushes came and went (they still do, I guess) and when they ended it was never devastating, my world didn’t crumble, and in no way was life unbearable. Generally I lost interest because of a lack of shared interest and my “parting” thoughts went something along the lines of, “Well fine. If you don’t need me, why am I investing so much time and effort into thinking about the two of us?” Also, young folk tend to mix up pure, Christian love with something of a more romantic nature quite a lot. Probably because we’re so intent on finding “love” that we forget we already have the fullness of it in Christ Jesus.
I hope this means that I’ve guarded my heart well; not withheld the charitable love we’re charged to have for all the brethren, but to keep that one place in my heart safe and sound for a very special someone. Of course the highest place of honor is already given completely to my God, who I love so much that the thought of disappointing Him breaks my heart. Yet He mends it so perfectly, and fills it up with such joy whenever I turn to Him, that in the end it’s even better off than before.
There will come a day when that special someone makes himself known and I’ll think, “If anyone’s worth breaking my heart over, it’s him.” But if that’s true and I’m not tricking myself with the excitement of possibilities, my heart won’t be broken. Because just like the good friends who hold my heart now, he’ll never, ever let it break. He’ll disappoint at times; no doubt he’ll wrench, tug, or cause hurt to it (because no one but God is perfect with hearts) but he still won’t break it. No, he’ll be elated to be trusted with something as nice and squishy as my little heart, and I won’t feel cheated since I plan on accepting nothing less than an exchange. One silly, eager, mistaken, fluttery, used-not-abused, loyal, fervent, blood purchased, God fearing heart for another.
What would truly break my heart is never knowing that person.
Here’s to those four-chambered myogenic muscular organs of wonder.
P.S. Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love Him. 1 Corinthians 2:9
P.P.S. Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord.