Miscellaneous · Writing Snippets & Exercises

A Story I Wrote in the Tub

Bach and I stood staring at the flea-ridden vampire that had taken residence in the corner of my bedroom.
Curse your intolerable good looks,” I said angrily.
It replied with, “Shut up and kiss me, fool.
Upon hearing this I was so stupid that I took up my engraved fantasy sword and kissed the intruder passionately with the object(s) clasped in my hand. Radioactive venom issued forth from its facial pores as a result of my action.
Wounded, but not mortally, it opened its mouth and said, “I know you did not mean to harm me, so I forgive you. Here is the Dark Gift as a token of my true feelings for you. It is a symbol of the deepest kinds of hatred.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I will keep this in my underwear drawer.
And then the world exploded.

How to make your own epic story:
(Yes, I indeed made this myself and although I do not demand that everyone link back or leave it unaltered, it would be fun to see your results if you use it. Seriously, you can mess with this however you like. Use it as a template and have a ball!)

___1___ and I stood staring at the ___2___ ___3___ that had taken residence in the corner of my bedroom.
“___4___,” I said ___5___.
It replied with, “___6___.”
Upon hearing this, I was so ___7___, that I took up my ___8___, and ___9___ with the object(s) clasped in my hand. ___10___ issued forth from its ___11___ as a result of my action.
Wounded, but not mortally, it opened it’s mouth and said, “I know you did not mean to harm me, so I forgive you. Here is ___12___ as a token of my true feelings for you. It is a symbol of the deepest kinds of ___13___.”
“Thank you,” I said. “I will ___14___.”
___15___.

16. = What you will post this as.

1. What’s your favorite type of music?
Rock – Your favorite guy’s name.
Pop – Your best friend’s name.
Soundtrack/Musical -Your favorite composer/artist’s name.
Hip Hop – A famous singer’s name.
New Age – The name of a fairy/goddess.
Classical – Your oldest living relative’s name.
Other – Your favorite fictional character’s name.

2. Grab the book nearest to you and open to a random page. Look at the number. Was it–
Between 1-25 – photogenic
Between 26-50 – enchanted
Between 51-100 – flea-ridden
Between 101-200 – attractive
Between 201-300 – transparent
301+ – emo

3. What color are your eyes?
Brown – vampire
Green – rat
Hazel – Ninja Turtle
Blue – llama
Gray – android
Other/Colored Contacts – stalker

4. What kind of socks are you wearing?
Fuzzy – There’s a Phantom in my closet.
Crew – When are you going to grow a brain?
Trouser/Dress- Give me some cheese.
Wool/Warm-but-non fuzzy – You resemble a pencil I once chewed.
None/Barefoot – Curse your intolerable good looks.
Ankle – What’s pi backwards?
Other – Are you for real?

5. Who would you rather captain your hypothetical ship?
Harry Potter – mockingly
Edward Cullen – laughingly
Mr. Darcy – sadly
A league of battle-ready hamsters – hysterically
The Seeker – angrily
The Avatar – in utter confusion

6. You would rather drink–
Water – The elves said it would be so.
Soda – What makes you think I can talk?
Tea – Shut up and kiss me, fool!
Milk – I think you’re mentally handicapped.
Juice – Do I look like a fortune cookie to you?
Other – It’s official; mortals are morons.

7. Favorite jelly/jam?
Strawberry – turned on
Grape – infuriated
Blackberry – giddy
Apple – shocked
Apricot – brave
Mixed/Other – stupid

8. The second letter of your first name:
A-D – favorite signed baseball bat
E-I – engraved fantasy sword
J-N – collection of Broadway programs
O-S – super charged laptop
T-X – hundred-year old Nutcracker
Y-Z – stack of overdue library books

9. Your skin tone is–
Pale – kissed the intruder passionately
Peachy/Pinkish – impaled the loser
Olive or Reddish – stroked the intruder’s face
Yellowy – sat down to cry
Tan – swore at the fiend
Brown/Black – said my wedding vows
Other/Don’t know – showed off my Kung Fu

10. The ultimate torture (out of these):
Witnessing cheesy romance – pink and white rose petals
Suffering from lack of sleep – sticky orange goop
Being forced to do Algebra – sparkling pixie dust
Continuous loud noises – sweet smelling marker ink
Being in the same room with spiders – spray-on deodorant
Talking to shallow fan-girls – radioactive venom

11. Favorite Disney classic?
Cinderella – nostrils
Snow White – hair roots
Sleeping Beauty – liver
Beauty and the Beast – facial pores
Aladdin – fingers
Dumbo/Other – elbow

12. Pick a favorite symbol:
Heart – a cheese puff
Rose – the Dark Gift
Diamond – my heart of hearts
Ring – some bubble wrap
Poetry – a ticket to Mumbai
Star – an old avocado
Euphemisms – your prom date

13. Pick an exotic pet:
Alligator- ridicule
Monkey – romantic love
Panda – friendship
Manta Ray – coldness
Tiger – hatred
Toucan- regret

14. Choose a fabric:
Lace – burn it at once.
Silk – treasure it until I find something better.
Chiffon – keep this in my underwear drawer.
Tulle – kill an overlord with this.
Flannel – take it back to Wal-Mart for a full refund.
Cotton – wear it on my head in gratitude.
Denim – dance the polka with it.

15. What sort of room are you in?
Your own room – And then the world exploded.
Another person’s bedroom – Thus, the rabies-infected mongrels took over Europe.
A media room, family or living room – That’s how I brought about world peace.
Dining Room – So good luck and good riddance.
It’s just a space, not really a room (If you’re in a closet or hallway, this works) – The Ant-Climactic End.
Other – And that’s why you’re your own enemy.

16. What are you wanting to do to the creator of this story at this point?
Big hug! – The Story of My Better Life
Pay for her therapy – The Creature Who Stole My Heart
Smack her around, just for fun – Take It Back, Marcello!
Feed her to a werewolf – Turn Me To The Dance Side!
Steal her jello – A Story I Wrote in the Tub
Shake her hand Dwarvish-style – My Super-Cool and Real Best Friend

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