Music & Lyrics · Uncategorized

Musical Retorts

Everyone knows those cheesy songs about love, breaking up, finding yourself, whatever. Well, one day I was feeling feisty and wanted to snap at song lyrics. In a pleasant way, of course! I will post some of my favorite easy-to-mock song lines and then answer them in a way that would solve all the song writer’s problems pertaining to that particular verse. Genius, right? If they had people like me to answer these things during the writing process , we wouldn’t have so many stupid songs.*

Item one; The first cut is the deepest.
Beth says: Stop cutting yourself.

Item two; I don’t wanna fight. I’m tired of being sorry.
Beth says:
Stop screwing up every second of your life and you won’t have to be.

Item three; It’s too late to apologize.
Beth says: Good. Item two wasn’t going to anyway!

Item four; That’s not my name! That’s not my name! That’s not my name! xInfinity
Beth says: Maybe if you told us what your name actually is at some point in the song, we would remember it.

Item five; Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance silver moon sparkling.
Beth says: Do you hallucinate often?

Item six; You would not believe your eyes if ten million fireflies lit up the world as I fell asleep.
Beth says: *news broadcaster voice* An epidemic of firefly hallucinations are now making victims of  pop song artists. The only known cure is musical marathons of Phantom of the Opera.

Item seven; You’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, you’re beautiful, it’s true. I saw your face in a crowded place and I don’t know what to do.
Beth says: No more stalking people in subway stations for starters.

Item eight; Standing by and waiting at your backdoor… You belong with me.
Beth says: You and subway guy should hook up.

Item nine; Make ’em go uh uh uh…
Beth says: In other words, give them a heart attack/seizure?

Item ten; I’m like a baby, baby, baby, oh!
Beth says: Whoops! I must have misheard those. ;)

Item eleven; Say what you need to saaaaay, say what you need to saaaaay, say what you need to saaaay… x5 bazillion
Beth says this song is getting turned off because its repetition irritates me.

Item twelve; I like the way you move.
Beth says: Great, then you’ll love seeing me walk away.

Item thirteen; And who do you think you are…?
Beth says: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R3ydwLvHOzk

*I’m not claiming to hate these songs. Maybe I am. But I’m probably not.

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