Miscellaneous · Music & Lyrics · Uncategorized · World Away From Word · Writing Snippets & Exercises

101 Things To Do…

A year or so back I bought a funzie book called 101 Things To Do Before You‘re Old and Boring. (Italics intentional.)

Tonight I whipped it out and started filling in the things I’ve already done while making mental notes of things I want to come back to.

It’s sort of comforting to see how many things I’ve already knocked off the list! Although I think the target audience was originally high school students because there’s a whole lot of “have your parents sign here” and “get your school involved for this” going on.

Nevertheless, I’m having a fantastic time filling out this crazy book and feeling quite accomplished in the meantime–silly as that may be.

One of the things to accomplish according to this book was “Write a Song.”

Now, I didn’t write my own song; I’m a lyricist, not a songwriter!–that should be a quote–but I dug up a collection of songs I parodied! This was during a “husband” phase when everything I did had to do with a fictional husband. Wait, that was like… yesterday. No wait. I’m still not over that phase.

Never mind. Suffice to say I wrote them a while ago, and I thought you, my lovely readers, might get a kick out of couple.

I did dress up in costumes and film myself singing some of the songs… horribly… to really bad karaoke music… but I don’t think those will come out of the archives just yet. I have a modicum of pride left to me and I will cling to it. :P

Original: Hey There Delilah
Parody: Hey There Fiyero

Hey there Fiyero,
What’s it like in Emerald City?
I’m a yellow road away,
But boy, I wrote for you this ditty,
It’s not grand,

Didn’t even have a munchkin band,
To give me a hand.

Hey there Fiyero,
Don’t you worry about Galinda,
Two more months and she’ll be over you,
And dating some pretender,
Boy, be wise,
Look past the wizard’s false disguise,
Don’t buy his lies.

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me

Hey there Fiyero,
I know times are getting hard,
But just believe me, boy,
Someday I’ll find the spell to make you well,
I know I can,
With no more straw in your brainpan,
You’ll be a man.

Hey there Fiyero
Though I’m green and kind of homely,
You and I will show the world
That we don’t have to live life lonley,
Here in Oz,
We’ll be together just because,
That’s what love does.

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me

This yellow road goes on and on,
I’ve been so sad since you’ve been gone,
I’d fly by broom to bring you back to stay,
The munchkins will poke fun at us,
But you and I won’t make a fuss,
We’ll only care for what our hearts will say.
Fiyero I can promise you,
That by the time that we get through,
Sweet Oz will never ever be the same,
And you’re to blame.

Hey there Fiyero,
Don’t you lose your drifting mind,
I’ll send you notes by flying monkeys,
And I’ll try to make them rhyme like I do
We’ll live our life just dancing through,
We can do whatever we want to,
Hey there Fiyero, here’s to you,
This one’s for you.

Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
Oh it’s what you do to me
What you do to me.

Original: Ode to a Superhero
(Yes, I parodied a parody. I couldn’t be any further from originality if I tried.)
Parody of a Parody: Ode to a Dragon Rider

Poor farmboy Eragon was pitiful,
He couldn’t get any lamer,
And Paolini’s book was shrunk to half it’s size,
To make the tale a lot tamer.

La li la, li de da,
La la, li le la da dum.

But then Eragon went out to catch some dinner,
Found a blue shiny rock instead,
Oh and now Eragon feels like he’s a big winner,
Though Durza sure wants the boy dead.

Save us from doom, you’re the Rider now,
Save us from Urgals and Shades,
‘Cause Galbatorix’s lines are just sissy-like whines,
But power still thrives in his blade.

Now Murty the shamed is a friend of his,
And so is the red-headed girl.
To the fans great surprise, Arya’s ears were resized,
And the dwarves don’t exist anymore.

Oh, la la la, di de da,
La la, di di da da dom.

The kid wants you to know, he’s all seventeen years,
Though Brom’s huge mistake’s a wrong guess,
Still boy and man bond and as Eragon fears,
Brom takes one for him in the chest.

Ajihad’s a sight in his armor there,
As he sends Morzan’s son to the cage,
But Murtagh’s got feelings and bravely he dares,
To love Nasuada… anyway.

In the sky, Durza’s made a big black dragon beast,
I guess Rider’s aren’t really that great,
‘Cause just anyone can conjure a dragon from smoke,
Poor Eragon’s facing defeat.

Oh la la la, di de da,
La la, di di, da da dum,

Save us from doom, you’re the rider now,
Save us from sad Mary-Sues
‘Cause you’re strong with the E branded into your palm,
And Galby will soon get his dues.

It’s a lousy excuse of a battle scene,
There’s no gems to break in the sky,
And the pain from the flame we can hear in the screams,
Of the underpaid falling stunt guys.

Oh, and Arya’s all hot for the Rider boy,
She flirts like a girl in fourth grade,
But fans don’t you cry, I don’t think that they’ll try,
To get the sequel made.

Save us from doom, you’re the rider now,
Save us at once from the pain,
Of bad movies that last little more than an hour,
How will Fox carry on with the shame?

Original: The Wizard and I
Parody: The Hobbit and I

When I meet the Hobbit,
Once I find the Shire,
And then I meet the Hobbit,
I’ll have all that I desire.
And with all his Hobbit shortness,
By my height, he won’t be blinded,
Can’t you see the way that we’re blessed,
Although small, we’re clever minded, so,
He’ll say to me, “I see who you truly are,
A girl with whom one can feel right,”
And that’s how we’ll begin,
The Hobbit and I.

Once I’m with the Hobbit,
My whole life will change,
Cause once you’re with a Hobbit,
No one thinks you’re strange.
No high elves would look down on you,
No wizard feel ashamed,
And middle earth has to love you,
When by a Hobbit it’s been saved.
And this genetic curse of my height,
Maybe at last I’ll know why,
When we are side by side,
The Hobbit and I.

And one day he’ll say to me, “Bethany,
A girl who is so endeared to me,
Shouldn’t a girl who’s so overstressed,
Grow a foot, or two or three,
And since folks here to an absurd degree,
Seem fixated on your littleness,
Would it be alright by you,
If Treebeard could tallify you?
And of course that’s not important to me…
“Alright, why not?!”
I’ll reply, oh what a pair we’ll be,

The Hobbit and I…
Yes, what a pair we’ll be, the Hobbit and…

Unlimited!
My reach will be,

Unlimited!
And I’ll do away with platform shoes that hurt my feet,
I’ll be, just the perfect size,
To marry any Middle Earth guy,
And I swear someday they’ll be,
Wedding bells in Rivendell,
For one of them and me!

And I’ll stand there with the Hobbits,
Feeling things I’ve only dreamed,
And though I’d never show it,
I’d be so happy I could SCREAM!
And I will stand tall for the rest of my life,
And I’ll want nothing else ’till I die,
Always holding my head high,
With the Hobbit by and by,
Knowing we both love our size,
The Hobbit and I!

In similar news, I ordered this book for myself and I can hardly contain my excitement!!!!!!!! <-Exclamation marks; a sure sign of hardly contained excitement.

Honestly, every time I look at it I squeal and/or bounce in my seat, and/or repeat to myself how much I want it. I have a really odd obsession with question books and games. The proof is there in my half a dozen quiz-based posts and the way I check every receipt I ever get in the hopes that the company has a survey for me to take. :P

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