Miscellaneous · Uncategorized · World Away From Word

The Hottest Thing Alive

I want to share a funny work story.

It starts with me, finding everything in the bakery done and mindlessly bagging cookies for lack of something more useful to do before my trainee arrived.

One of our regulars–who is a girl–leaned over the counter, craned her neck over the breakfast board and in the same voice people ask for a take-home menu said, “Are you single?”

The mint cookie I was in the process of bagging slipped from my hands for a split second before I managed to recover and replace my open-mouthed shock for a more dignified expression of blatant confusion.

Within the split second of fish-like gaping I summed her up from the corner of my eye. She comes into the bakery quite regularly; always orders a hot chocolate to go and maintains a cheery disposition throughout her order and the time waiting for it. I tried to decide how seriously to take her. Was she part of a singles’ club? Did I really look like a guy in my hat and boxy apron?

As I was panicking over the best way to explain to this misguided woman that I didn’t roll that way, I blurted out the words, “Yes, I’m… I’m single,” casting her a sideways glance of wariness.

This morsel of information hardly seemed to phase her, which only succeeded in confusing me more.

“I have to ask,” she said, like this happens to people every day, “because my friend thinks you’re the hottest thing alive.”

Yes. She said that. The hottest thing alive.

I’m sorry. But this kind of thing… it doesn’t happen to me. At least, it’s never happened before I started working at Panera. And yes, it’s possible he’s a total creep. It’s possible she exaggerated his words. But who knows!? It’s also possible he’s just a wonderful human being with an overeager friend!

I am a blusher. So my face turned bright pink and I murmured “Oh my goodness” with my head down while she kept going.

“He’s always coming in to work saying like, ‘Have you seen that Bethany?’ So… just thought I’d ask.” Then she traipsed off for her hot chocolate, leaving me bewildered and amused.

I giggled a lot after that.

It’s hard to drag yourself out of bed at six (or sometimes three) in the morning, opting out of a careful makeup job in order to be at work on time. It can get rough when the rain brings droves of hungry people in and you’re stuck in one place, ringing orders for two hours straight until you feel as dirty, foot-sore, and unattractive as a tourist on the tube. It’s hard when you’re surrounded by coworkers either engaged or married who say things like, “Oops, my ring caught on the glove!” Sometimes, no matter how optimistic or blessed a girl is, she wishes a compliment might come her way so she doesn’t feel quite so undesirable.

Sometimes a woman will be so pleased with her sliced and packaged bread that she’ll offer to set you up with her son.

…or word will finally get out that you’re the hottest thing alive. ;P

Proof that my mystery admirer is crazy.

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12 thoughts on “The Hottest Thing Alive

  1. First off, may I say that I found this post to be ridiculously charming? I was pretty much chortling to myself the whole time I was reading it.
    Second, I agree that out of the blue compliments are a God-send after slaving away at work, so for that I am happy for you.
    Third, I still want to punch a bro in the face. ;P

    1. You may say it! And don’t try to hide the fact that you were giggling again. ;P I know you’re a closet giggler! CONFESS!! CONFESS!!

      Yes!! You saw some of those status responses. (Oh Facebook drama *le sigh*) I don’t think they quite got it. It just felt nice to be told that at the start of a long day!

      Haha! Maybe you will someday. Keep the dream alive, H…oohboy, I was about to call you by your last name nickname. Maybe I shouldn’t on my blog. :P

      1. NEVAH!!!

        Haha, Facebook drama never ceases to amuse. xP

        Yes! There will always be that fire of desire burning in my heart to punch a bro in the face. xD

  2. Hahaha! Awww! Awkward and awesome at the same time. It’s always really, really weird responding to people (in my case, men) who ask if you’re single. Sometimes I’m really tempted to make up some fantastic story about my boyfriend, but then I don’t have one, and what if someone asks intending to set me up with his dashing Irish cousin? :D hehe.
    hottie. ;) The picture of you makes me giggle.

    1. That’s exactly what it was! And very true! I always think, “Oh shoot. I better say I’m engaged in case this guy turns out to be super creepy.” But then what if he’s the man of my dreams and she misconstrued his “hottest thing alive” which was originally “the most darling little crumpet my British eyes have rested upon” thinking she was doing him a favour and all I need to do is ask her to set us up and my life is made!? :P

      Because really, you never know.

      Besides, if he does turn out to be a weirdo, all I have to do is bring up the fact that I have six brothers and my dad’s a pastor. If he sticks around after that, he might be worth keeping. :) Heheh.

  3. Hahaha! That’s the worst because you don’t want to give positive reinforcement if he turns out to be a creep, but you never know if he could just happen to be a complete babe… I was at a relative’s wedding and my dad’s cousin turned to me and said, “You know, I always think of you when I’m with my friend Fernando! You would be such a cute couple!” and I just stared blankly at her picturing Fernando being some creepy 60 year old (because that is how old my dad’s cousin is) until my sister asked “Um, how old is this Fernando?” And it turned out her was like 23. Then she went on to tell me how he has such a beautiful voice and that he is just the sweetest boy ever and he works at a Mexican restaurant. All the while I just sat there having no idea what I was supposed to say. I really need a fake boyfriend so I can just avoid those awkward situations…

    I really want to know what this guy who thinks you’re the hottest looks like.

    1. Yes!! Haha. My dad’s been really funny like that lately. “Oh yes, go to weddings! There’s lots of singles to choose from that go to weddings!” :P I said, “Dad, you have to be *invited* to weddings.”

      Yup! You know what? We should each pick a really obscure (but wonderful) fictional character to describe at length whenever some strange guy hits on us. And if they get the reference, it’s like they passed the first test. :P Otherwise, they leave us alone because they buy the story. Hm. I’m thinking I’ll make vague allusions to Richard Rahl, the Seeker. “He’s seeking a career in politics. Had some family troubles, but we’re working through them. Born Australian, but lost his accent due to being raised in the country…” Yeah, I think that’s my cover story from now on. :P Doesn’t hurt that he IS a babe!

      So do I!! There was one guy who came in a little later that I thought might possibly be him… but I don’t know!! I must investigate this matter. Which means working up the guts to be inquisitive the next time friend-girl-of-admirer comes in.

  4. I have been saying for a long time that I need to just make up this whole persona and be like “Oh, you know.. He doesn’t come around a lot because he flies fighter jets in Alaska and is only home for short amounts of time. And those short amounts of time are spent only with me. And he doesn’t like going out in public since people stare at his beauty so much… So that’s why you never see him. And you don’t need to try to set me up with your friends.”

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