Miscellaneous · Uncategorized · Writing Snippets & Exercises

Dear INYOFACE

The Last of the Letter Challenge Letters!!!

Letter Challenge Day 30 — My reflection in the mirror

I had to carry a notebook into the bathroom because I was determined to follow the rules for at least one of these letters. (I have no mirrors in my room.*) Then I rewrote the letter three times because I think it’s silly to write a letter to my own reflection. I already talk to myself. There’s nothing I could say to me that I couldn’t say away from the mirror. And when I do stand in front of a mirror and speak directly to my reflection it’s because I’m working out an expression that needs describing for a novel.

Here’s how the first letter began…

Dear Reflection,

Look at you. You will never pass for a perfect bride. Or a perfect daughter. Can it be…. wait. I’m getting serious déjà vu here.

Letter #2 went like this…

Dear YOUR FACE,

You don’t look as worn as you feel. That’s nice. Ooo, the color refresher made your hair glow! Swishy mah pony tail, swish, swish… Whyyy are you staring at me instead of doing something productive? What exactly am I supposed to write about you that would be the least bit interesting? Don’t you facial squint at me, you irritating twit!! I HATE YOU AND YOUR STUPID FACE!!!

Letter #3 was in the perspective of a beauty consultant…

Oh dear, oh dear, so much work to be done! Let’s bleach those remaining freckles for sure! You have little bags under your eyes and blemishes… oh, so many I can’t even look at them all! Dreadful! Absolutely dreadful! Your eyebrows…what… what are they doing? They’re not arching or slanting… no wonder you look twelve. Wax them off. We’ll color them new. Stop laughing with your cheeks, child, you look like you’ll explode. Smile teeny tiny with your mouth only to keep laugh lines at bay. My goodness. You’ll have so many laugh lines as an old lady. Your eyes are too dark; they don’t contrast or pop with your hair. Blue contacts, I think, for your eyes. And the hair dye is too streaky. We’ll fix that. Your face… ah, so round! If you wore a hat, I’d think, “A boy!” Your lips are not sexy, they need plumping. Your nose doesn’t do anything for you either. We’ll just chop it off. Start fresh.

Letter #4 was meant to be ponderous and deep but then I got called “the hottest thing alive” and I could no longer take Letter #4 seriously.

Honestly, that’s the best I could do for this last letter. That makes me greatly disappointed because I would have loved to end this challenge with something awesome. This is why I don’t like to finish things.

Now I have to find a new dream.

But fear not! I’m already rollin’ up the proverbial sleeves in order to ready the next writing challenge! Perhaps this time I can keep it a weekly thing!

Here’s me, knocking on wood.

But hey, since my post was such a disappointment, watch this as a consolation. It’s a much better… thing… about reflection. :P

-x-

*Reading that back looks really funny. It sounds like I’m the Phantom or a modernized version of the Beast. “I tend to keep away from mirrors.” *maniacal grimace* In reality, the story is much less gripping. I had a mirror built into my vanity, but I moved that to the garage and replaced it with my writing desk so now I have no room for a mirror. That’s how my priorities go. Words first, glamour second. Wait, no. Words first, food second, glamour third.

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15 thoughts on “Dear INYOFACE

  1. Okay, so, I read this and laughed and was “the first to like” it. Then I reread it and laughed some more, and now I’m commenting/posting my thoughts.

    Letter #1: Awww, poor Byrd! She’ll always be a lonesome dove (HA!)(And I didn’t get the reference until watching the video. Show’s how dedicated a Disney fan I am! *snickers*).

    Letter #2: OH MY GOSH I WANT TO SQUISH HER SQUISHABLE CHEEKS! (is that inapropro? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to think that so loud). xD

    Letter #3: I read it first as a black woman, and then half-way through I switched to a gay male italian hair stylist. Then, upon reading it the second time, I read it as the Sassy Gay Friend Man on the YouTube. “I’m a bitch!” Bahahahahaha!!!!

    Letter #4: I facepalmed for you. ;P

    And your priorites are well placed. xP

    1. Hehehe. Congrats for being first! (And thus far an only.)

      Ha. ha. ha! I’d laugh harder if it didn’t make me feel so sad. ;P And that is atrocious! Mulan may not be a classic Disney princess, but to not recognize that song!? (Don’t worry… it was only recently I started enjoying that song myself. :P)

      Timlet, the day you do something entirely appropriate is the day you’re in witness protection and have to assume a new identity. You made me giggle. But I can do that openly because I’m a girl. ;P

      Hahaha!! “I’m a stewpid betch!”

      Well after that incident, Letter #4 seemed pretentious! Like… oh here we go again!

      I thought so. :)

      1. I thoroughly laughed on the inside at this comment, so much so that I was literally moving in my chair. HA! xP

        Mulan is a great movie, but I only remember “Be a Man.” Which I suppose is appropriate, considering my… gender. ;P

        Well, at least you know me. I didn’t want to come across as more creepy than normal, though, so that’s why I posted the parenthetical question. ;P

        Haha, you are so sassy! xD

        Indeed. :)

      2. I’m so happy for you. :P No, really, I like making my readers laugh… and creaming them with Soul Calibur picks. Are you ready to die yet?

        Well, Phil did make that song rather hard to forget for those of us lucky enough to have heard his version. He took an unforgettable song and made it just… it’s on its own pedestal now. But yeah, you probably remember it because people have to keep telling you that. xP

        Oh I see how it is. You don’t care about me, just what other bloggers think. *sobs and runs away*

        *hairtoss* I’m just getting started…

      3. No, I am NOT ready to die, thankyouverymuch!

        And yes, making people laugh is greatness. :)

        Hur. Hur. Hur. :F

        Yeah. Because we all know THAT’S how it is. *rolls eyes*

  2. Oh my goodness! This made me laugh so much! :D Especially #3… I could also see a face behind the words, like Timotheous said there above – I could see hot pink and bleached blond hair (sorry stereotype) as I read it. ;)
    My eyes are so dark that when I was little, people used to ask me if I was blind, because they couldn’t see any pupils. People must be some of the stupidest things in the world! :P

    1. :D Wonderful! Oh, no worries about the stereotypes! I was sure that bit would conjure up some strange images, no matter the type. In my head was a French woman in high fashion, a foot shorter than me who wore stilettos (but was still a foot shorter) and had a pointy noise. :P

      Hahaha! That’s actually horribly funny! I like my dark eyes! In some pictures they look purple!

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