I wrote this yesterday and just didn’t have the heart to publish it.
You know that amazing Panera manager I reference a lot? The one who got me hooked on Korean dramas, and took me to see Brave, introduced me to the wonders of the Asian market, obsesses over Disneyland, and threatens to kill people who don’t do a good job at work? Her name is Lauren.
Well, today was Lauren’s last shift at our location. Only, no one knew it was her last until she was leaving for the day. Forever.
The relocation is a great opportunity for her. I’m happy for that. I am. My brain is telling me I’m being overly emotional and it’s not like she’s died or fallen off the face of the earth, and I will see her again because she promised to visit. But I feel devastated. I feel like I lost a best friend. I feel like work is going to suck from now on, and/or I’ll start crying randomly throughout my shifts when I think of her.
At first, I was sad. We were told we’d see her tomorrow for a few hours when she opened, but our boss got the schedule mixed up and it turns out she doesn’t work tomorrow, so today was really and truly her last one with us. The full measure of things only sank in hours later when I was leaving work and Mum asked how my day was. I just started crying and couldn’t stop to get the words out for a while. I cried all the way home. I cried again when I got home. I had a shower and stopped crying for a little bit. Then I called my best friend about it and cried more.
Since I’m too mentally, emotionally, and physically depleted to run to the store for a tub of ice cream to devour, I’m listening to my “break-up” song list that I kind of made up just now. Since I don’t have a break-up experience to use these songs for, I’m using them to wallow in self-pity over my friend’s relocation.
Lauren & I. -Lauren loves Celtic Thunder, and Keith Harkin who sings about her. This plays whenever she calls me, so it’s hurting my heart to listen. But I keep doing it. *sobs* And I stiiiiiiiill can’t see yoooou! Lauren and I!
What Should I Do -Because we
like love Koreans together, and this song sums up a lot of my feelings right now. Do you think I’ll be okay without you? Are you okay without me? The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing. Yes. I’m being VERY dramatic and emotional right now. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE!!
Think of Me – Why, yes. There is a Phantom song for every occasion.
Once There Was the Sun – Oh, the tears.
And last, but certainly not least… Keith Harkin again.
Don’t worry. I’m coping, now.