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Today I Cried a Lot

I wrote this yesterday and just didn’t have the heart to publish it.

You know that amazing Panera manager I reference a lot? The one who got me hooked on Korean dramas, and took me to see Brave, introduced me to the wonders of the Asian market, obsesses over Disneyland, and threatens to kill people who don’t do a good job at work? Her name is Lauren.

Well, today was Lauren’s last shift at our location. Only, no one knew it was her last until she was leaving for the day. Forever.

The relocation is a great opportunity for her. I’m happy for that. I am. My brain is telling me I’m being overly emotional and it’s not like she’s died or fallen off the face of the earth, and I will see her again because she promised to visit. But I feel devastated. I feel like I lost a best friend. I feel like work is going to suck from now on, and/or I’ll start crying randomly throughout my shifts when I think of her.

At first, I was sad. We were told we’d see her tomorrow for a few hours when she opened, but our boss got the schedule mixed up and it turns out she doesn’t work tomorrow, so today was really and truly her last one with us. The full measure of things only sank in hours later when I was leaving work and Mum asked how my day was. I  just started crying and couldn’t stop to get the words out for a while. I cried all the way home. I cried again when I got home. I had a shower and stopped crying for a little bit. Then I called my best friend about it and cried more.

Since I’m too mentally, emotionally, and physically depleted to run to the store for a tub of ice cream to devour, I’m listening to my “break-up” song list that I kind of made up just now. Since I don’t have a break-up experience to use these songs for, I’m using them to wallow in self-pity over my friend’s relocation.

Lauren & I. -Lauren loves Celtic Thunder, and Keith Harkin who sings about her. This plays whenever she calls me, so it’s hurting my heart to listen. But I keep doing it. *sobs* And I stiiiiiiiill can’t see yoooou! Lauren and I!

What Should I Do -Because we like love Koreans together, and this song sums up a lot of my feelings right now. Do you think I’ll be okay without you? Are you okay without me? The world without you is so hard that I blame myself for still breathing. Yes. I’m being VERY dramatic and emotional right now. I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE!!

Think of Me – Why, yes. There is a Phantom song for every occasion.

Once There Was the Sun – Oh, the tears.

And last, but certainly not least… Keith Harkin again.

Don’t worry. I’m coping, now.

“Love It!” size of chocolate ice cream with brownies, marshmallows, and chocolate chips mixed in, stuffed into a chocolate dipped waffle bowl. Like I said, I’m coping.

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5 thoughts on “Today I Cried a Lot

  1. First off, I’m so sorry about Lauren :( I hate that feeling when someone’s moving on and you’re not…you feel alone, even though they’re not dying or anything. They’re just getting a new job. Emotions are weird.

    Now that that’s out of the way, ummmmm, Keith. Harkin. My that man is attractive. I forgot that you loved Celtic Thunder too. Funny story: there was a Celtic Thunder live chat a few years ago (Back when Paul and Damian were still part of the group…boohoo) and I was one of the fortunate people who was able to join, because only a certain amount could. It was almost over and I had been asking questions the whole time that none of them had answered. Finally I asked something along the lines of “Aside from George, which of you takes the longest to fix their hair in the morning?” All 5 of them were like BWAHHAHAHAHAHAHA and ignored the next couple of questions because they didn’t stop talking about it. I was like uhhh, it’s not that funny guys… Psh, those Irish and their weird sense of humor. But Keith takes the longest, FYI. True story. Also I got Damian to say hi to me when he was doing a radio interview. Back in the day when I stalked them… *ehem* I’m not a creeper.

    I hope you feel better. If I could, I’d fly to wherever you live and comfort you…and steal your ice cream. Or we could take a road trip to England since you rudely went there without me AND SAW THE FIRST EPISODES OF DOWNTON.

    Also (I swear I’ll stop talking), I love that you quoted A Knight’s Tale on your about page. I think we need to be best friends…

    1. They are weird. I’m sure it doesn’t help that I’m emotionally unstable this week due to womanly issues, but I really am heartbroken to lose the best manager ever. She came to see us today! :) I was happy… except she forgot my birthday present which happens to be Keith Harkin’s solo album, so um… unacceptable. But it made me feel better since I know she’s keeping her promise to come visit.

      Mmmmmhmmm!! Oh!! Did you know, I saw them live!? And… AND I GOT KIETH HARKIN’S AUTOGRAPH!!?!?! :D :D :D :D :D I made a huuuuge post about it, here: https://bethanish.wordpress.com/2010/11/11/as-thunder-storms-the-valley/
      I just looove to make you jealous. xP HEHEHEHEH!! I can readily believe Keith takes the longest to do his hair. And I’d love to hear all the jokes Paul would make about that. :P Oh, yes, fellow creeper. I joined Twitter JUST to follow the CT lads. Plus, Lauren and I are sending Keith valentine’s for St. Valentine’s Day next year. :)

      *sniffles* Thank you, my friend. I had a bit of ice cream left from that trip. You should have been here to eat the rest (and my waffle bowl) because I ended up giving it away to siblings.

      Hehehe! Deal! Let’s be best friends. :D You can come pet my Kieth Harkin autograph while we watch Downton and eat delicious things you bake for us.

      1. I saw them live twice! :D During one of them I yelled “I love you Damian” when he was singing Happy Birthday Sweet Sixteen and he was laughing and forgot a verse. Oops ;) I get most of my info from Damo’s twitter. Like Manchester United is the best footy team ever…because he says so. And red is my favorite colour because of him. I let people I’ve never met have way too much control over my life…

        Woah. How did you know that’d I pet your Keith Harkin autograph? Can you like read my mind? Actually I’m so glad that you said that because now it won’t be as awkward. Awesome. I’ll make you supermegamachoawesome delicious things. Because when you squish four adjectives into one long word it makes things that much cooler.

        Now I really can’t wait for Downton :( Thanks for totally ruining my life. Were the episodes good?

  2. Awww sadness ;( I hate when people leave even when you know you’re gonna see them again. I was depressed for weeks after my brother moved to another state. So sending you some virtual hugs girl :)

    “Phantom song for everything,” bahahah true story. Oh, and um, be jealous because I’m going to be seeing Les Miserables the musical in a few weeks. SO PUMPED :D

    1. Thank you, muchly!! *accepts hugs* I’ve said goodbye to a lot of coworkers because we’re the top training cafe, so people come and go all the time. It’s never been this rough, though. I guess it’s because we transcended the coworker status and became friends.

      AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!! So excited for you!!! And jealous!!! I missed an opportunity to see Les Miserables a few years back, but I heard it wasn’t a great performance, so I’m glad I didn’t mar my impression of it. EEEEP!! Blog about it!! :D :D :D

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