I like to think of myself as a reasonable individual. I’m generally a warm, and affable person, willing to hear differing opinions on any variety of subjects, so long as they’re civilly presented, and don’t make me fear for the state of your soul. I’d rather leave the matter alone than cause a debate, unless I feel very strongly about the impact your differing opinion might have on the world, or the church. However, there are certain little issues I’m obstinate about. I realise that in the grand scheme of eternity, they are seemingly petty, (although the convictions underlying my opinions are not) but if you disagree with me about any of them, it will make me angry, it will rope me into a heated debate, (or stubborn and angsty silence) and our friendship might not survive.
Here are 10 things I accept as FACT. You will either agree with them, or remain silent on the matter. Or be very secure in our relationship, knowing that you can disagree with me the right way and not to the point of being beaten to death in effigy. But probably just agree with me to be safe.
1. Frozen was a perfect movie for the first 25 minutes and 35 seconds. Anna should have married Hans, had adorable children, and their spry nature would have melted Elsa’s heart from the moment they entered the world, and they all lived happily ever after, the end. The rest is a vicious lie based on the stupid idea that Disney films are now supposed to be “realistic” which is really just another word for “an unromantic, illogical twist that made no sense, didn’t tie into the movie, ignored the source material, and only showed that some Disney writers have given up on an ideal date, true love and therefore don’t deserve to work for Disney.” I get what they were trying to accomplish with the whole sisterhood thing. But you can accomplish that just fine and still make sense while keeping a romantic ending. One does not simply sing a song like Love is an Open Door and then prove to be a liar. Maybe the writers of Frozen are stupid like that, but not the prince. Never the prince.
2. Raoul de Chagney is a not a “fop” a “wimp” a “loser” or any other put-down the hordes of uneducated fangirls have come up with. And guess what? He genuinely loved Christine! Though the book version is less lovable than the 2004 movie version, I still love him, and though I harbour no ill will towards E/C shippers, (one of whom is my own Beta Mistress and best friend–oh, as well as myself now, since I’m writing an E/C story) I remain faithful to my love for the vicomte, and thus fan fictions must be treated with respect and care when it comes to preserving the integrity of his character. It took my best friend and me over six years to finally watch Phantom of the Opera together because I’m an ardent Raoul-supporter, and she an Erik-lover. Our friendship survived, but I think it’s because we talked over the movie and didn’t pay attention to All I Ask of You. Also, Love Never Dies is not okay. This is not open for debate.
3. The end of The Return of the King is not tedious, unnecessary, boring, or a waste of the last twenty minutes. If you really think so, do not watch it with me. I’d rather you just quietly exit the room, or hold your peace and let me sob buckets on your shoulder than have to seethe under my breath for you to shut up because you’re talking over one of the saddest scenes ever, and I hate your oafish opinion on it. I love my dad. I do. But I have to actually remind myself of that whenever we watch LOTR together. He is no lover of the halflings.
4. Pocahontas (the movie) is a travesty, and the worst Disney film ever made. (Besides, perhaps, the POTC sequels.) It’s not even historical enough to be considered historical fiction. It’s an overused fable, and I hate it forever. John Rolfe was a cool guy, and the Pocahontas/John Smith fan fiction ship is done to death. May we please have history back, now? Why don’t any Christian historians do a version? The New World was awful, too, though a degree nearer reality.
5. Tiny, helpless animals are not to be shot at, kicked, or made to suffer any form of abuse. If it’s a survival thing, like “I vanquished that spider in the corner of our chamber, m’lady” or, “me mates had to catch and eat some venison during our trek to the land of This Land,” that’s perfectly acceptable. But “that cat annoys me, so I violently shooed it with my foot” or “I have no personal use for bats, so I use them for target practice” those sorts of things make me very upset. It shows a great weakness of character, and an inability to exercise patience with the weak and helpless creatures of the earth.
6. Do not call me “babe” “baby” or “sweetie” unless you’re my mother. I find those terms insufferable. Unless you’re my mother. And she doesn’t even call me babe/baby. Literally any other form of endearment is preferable, including “sweetheart” “darling” and numerous variations of my name. I once had a really long Facebook thread going where people tried to find terms I hated more than “babe.” All of them failed. I call pets and my littlest siblings baby/babe. Because they actually are my babies. You can call me half-pint, little snippet, tiny one, cupcake, peachy-face, Silly Pants McMuffin, you-with-the-face, insufferable wench, sammich-maker, kitchen maid, Cinderella, Klutz McMillin, Dunder-Mifflin-this-is-Pam, woman-get-me-my-Pringles… anything but babe.
8. Eowyn is not better than Arwen because she went into battle and swung a sword around. I remember years ago, a friend of mine saying she liked Eowyn better than Arwen because Eowyn did something, and Arwen, “just waited.”
She just waited? Really? Just waiting is when you set the timer for your hard boiled eggs, and you can’t think of something productive to do, so you spin in little circles singing commercial jingles and the only French song you ever learned. That’s just waiting. That is not what Arwen did, and It always makes me mad when she gets shrugged off as a lesser character because she didn’t flat out disobey her father figure and end up defeating the Witch King. That’s right. Arwen waited. She gave up her place in the Undying Lands along with her immortality, to cling to the hope that one day Aragorn would return victorious, and they would have a life together. Who cares if it was only going to be another sixty years before he died, or ten, or even two!? (It ended up being a hundred and twenty-two, by the way.) Arwen waited, steadfast and faithful, because she knew that all the grief and bitterness and uncertainty of mortal life couldn’t compare with the short time she would have with her love. And the children!! Think of their half-elven offspring! Yes, Eowyn may have “done something.” We can discuss all the foolishness of her decision-making process later. But Eowyn didn’t have the quiet courage to wait. Arwen did. And I dare you to ask any relatives of a soilder; wife, mother, daughter, etc. what’s so special about “just waiting?” Go ahead. Have fun with that conversation.
10. This is Pride and Prejudice:
I feel no further explanation is necessary.
Oh, that’s neat! I have “related posts” at the bottom, now! But I don’t like those picks! Here are my own “related post” picks for this one with a similar vein of angst and opinion.
Beauty Killed the Beast
The Adjustment Bureau Review
It’s too dangerous for you [to love me.]