I had a long and interesting day at work today. Here are some prime examples of why I should never have been in management…
Me: Watch your sixes, people! I have a knife!
Female Coworker: Sixes?
Male Coworker: Behind you. Weren’t you raised in a military compound?
FC: Whyyy are you talking like that?
Me: Because I only date men who fly.
MC: Makes sense.
FC: *clearly disagrees*
Me: Why is my name the only one on the chart not highlighted?
Tyler: What do you mean?
Me: Is it because I didn’t get my break, yet? Is it because I’m not special enough for highlighters?? Why isn’t my name highlighted??
Gary: Those are for the employees we went over TIPS with. They’re already listed on the deployment chart, so you can read them yourself.
Me: I don’t like that it’s called a deployment chart!! And how come I don’t get verbal tips!? This just gets more and more depressing. I’m going to go flirt with that eighty year old man, now.
FC: And what is your name for the order?
Me: Batman. His name is Batman. *hisses to MC* I told you to stop giving away your identity!
MC: *in perfect Batman voice* YES. I AM BATMAN.
Me: Yes! Embrace it! Embrace your destiny!!
[Later, on lunch break]
Alejandra: So where are you originally from?
Same MC: Originally, I’m from…
MC: Yeah! Yeah, I’m from Krypton.
FC: Beth! You said, ‘boyfriend!’
Me: Yes, and it felt so wrong.
Other FC: She said ‘boyfriend??’ Progress!
Me: No. No progress. The opposite. I have to go do something thoughtful and mature now. *shakes head* I have failed life today.
FC: I don’t know where the container is.
Me: I don’t know wheeeere…
Me: No, what?
Alejandra: You know what!
Me: I don’t know whaaaat! But Alejandra’s a big meanie butt! She won’t let me sing… something, something…
FC: Paaaart of your world!
Alejandra: Man! Now I’ll have that song in my head all day!
Me: Don’t worry. You won’t. *clears throat* This is the song that doesn’t eeeeend!
[An hour later]
Alejandra: Aw, man! I hate you, Bethany. I have that stupid song in my head! The one that never ends!
Me: >:-D You should have let me sing mermaid songs.
FC: Where’d that thing go?
Me: Not in my pocket.
Me: Because it’s too full of suuuunshiiiiiyne!
Me: Bet you have a song in your head, now. I GOTTA POCKET, GOTTA POCKET FULLA SUNSHIIIINE!
Me: *hauling two large garbage bags to the dumpster*
FC: Whoa there, Missy. It looks like you could use a little help.
Me: No, I always look like that. That’s just my face.
MC: *fiddling on his phone, turning red and chuckling*
Me: Is that your girl on the phone? Is she saying cute things, like… Byung! Byung! *does gwiyomi gestures* Kiawa!! Ooooohppaaaa, bogo sipo!! Neumo, neumo, neumo jjowah! ^_^ *bunny ears*
MC: …. o_O
Me: Oh, is your girlfriend not Korean? My bad.
Lady Customer: [bursts out laughing from the bar stool] You’re adorable, Bethany!
Male Customer: It is like… way too hot out there.
Me: Yeah, I heard 109. I’m not okay with that.
MC: Every time I hear the weather update, they increase the temperature high.
Me: Eugh. No, thank you. I think I’ll stay in here. Maybe I’ll sleep here so I don’t have to go outside at all.
MC: I was at the lake all day and as soon as you get out of the water, it’s horrible.
Me: I can’t swim and I hate too much sunlight, so I don’t know why I live in California. :P
MC: Aw, I’m really sorry for you. I grew up around water, and I’m in the sun all the time. *pulls sleeves up to expose shoulders* I’m not that tan because I don’t tan well, but compared to what I would be…
Me: *blinks awkwardly* Well… your order’s coming up at the last counter! *gestures desperately* Bye!
MC: Thanks! Have a fantastic day! :D
Me: Yeeeeaaaah. Okay, you too!
MC: *turns around to wave and flash huge grin*